It doesn’t matter the time or cause, losing a loved one is always a shocking and difficult experience. This is especially true of a life partner.
Losing a spouse can easily leave you feeling adrift from your normal day-to-day routine and filling the void that this person has left behind can be extremely difficult.
Grieving a spouse can take many forms, and the ebbs and flows of the process will be different for each person. The loss of a loved one can hit you when you least expect it and leave you numb many other times as well.
Taking the time to understand the stages of grief can help you to better understand the often difficult road ahead of you. It can help you to get your bearings and try to move forward after this difficult loss.
What do you need to know about the stages of grief? How can you go about mourning a loved one? Read on and we’ll walk you through what you need to know.
Understanding the Five Stages of Grief
Grief affects us all in different ways, but there are some broad and general trends that seem to be common among most people suffering from the loss of a loved one.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was the first to identify and suggest that the process of working through grief could be broken down into five distinct stages.
The five stages that she identified are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. Let’s break each of these down in turn.
Denial
Denial is the first of the five stages of grief as broken down by Kübler-Ross. It is a natural and normal reaction to loss, and it can help us to cope with the overwhelming emotions that we are feeling.
Its goal is to minimize pain, protecting us from the full onslaught of our emotions at this difficult time. Denial attempts to slow down the grieving process, allowing us to process details at a slower rate.
In denial, we may refuse to believe that the loss that we have experienced has happened. We may think that it is a dream, or that the person will come back. We may also try to avoid reminders of the loss, or we may pretend that the person is still alive.
Denial can be a protective mechanism, helping us to adjust to the loss gradually. However, it is important to remember that denial is not a permanent solution.
Eventually, we will need to face the reality of the loss and begin to grieve.
Anger
Anger is the second of the five stages of grief, and generally, it comes about as we move past our relationship with denial. As we begin to accept our new reality, we grow resentful of the change and of the loss.
There is extreme emotional discomfort when it comes to this adjustment, so it makes sense that anger may result. Once again, we are overwhelmed by how much there is to process, and anger allows us an emotional outlet to work through these feelings.
In the stage of anger, we may feel furious, resentful, or even rageful. We may lash out at others, or we may withdraw into ourselves. We may also feel guilty for feeling angry, or we may try to suppress our anger.
Anger doesn’t mean having to become vulnerable, which is another reason it is often such an immediate go-to. It is another form of protection during this scary time of processing a serious loss.
Anger has its drawbacks. It can make us seem unapproachable or difficult to talk to during moments when we could really use some connection with our loved ones and peers.
However, it’s a step that most of us will go through as we learn to process and deal with our grief. It’s best to accept and recognize this, and you’ll have an easier time moving through this step of the process.
Bargaining
Bargaining is an attempt to regain control over the situation. It includes negotiation with a higher power or oneself to reverse the loss.
This stage can involve a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements. For example, “If only we had sought medical help sooner” or “What if I had been there for them more.”
Bargaining is a defense against the emotions of grief, a way for your mind to postpone the inevitable pain and sadness that comes with accepting the loss.
Bargaining comes from the human feeling of helplessness when confronted with things much bigger than us. We seek a power greater than our own to control what we cannot control.
During this stage, it is also common to think of the past and feel intense desires to change it. We may want to change the things we said to our spouse or the way that we treated them at certain times.
We may even come to the often untrue conclusion that if we had done things differently, our loved ones would still be alive, or we would not feel as much pain as we do now.
While it’s important to work through these feelings, it’s also important not to give them too much weight. Feeling this way is a natural part of the process, and a difficult one, as it is the beginning of our confrontation with the truth, and thus, with pain and vulnerability.
Depression
The fourth stage of grief, depression, is characterized by feelings of overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, and a sense of isolation.
This stage is different from clinical depression as it is a natural and appropriate response to the grief you’re experiencing.
You may withdraw from life, feel numb, live in a fog, and not want to get out of bed. The world might seem too overwhelming, and you may feel a sense of despair at the thought of living in a world without your spouse.
At this point, our attempt to bargain has mostly receded. We’re left with a strong and heavy feeling of defeat. We feel the loss that we’ve experienced much more abundantly.
Once again, we might feel ourselves drawing inward. We become less sociable and are less eager to reach out to others about what we are experiencing. This is natural, though it’s something to keep an eye on in yourself as well.
Depression can be extremely isolating, and you may have to work actively to combat some of the more negative side effects of this stage of your grief.
Managing Your Depression
If feelings of despair persist or worsen over time, it’s crucial to reach out to mental health professionals. There are many forms of treatments available – from therapy to medication – that can help alleviate the symptoms of depression.
Self-care is also key during this challenging time. Taking care of your physical health, such as maintaining a balanced diet and getting regular exercise, can help manage depressive symptoms. Additionally, staying connected with the departed one through tangible means of reminder like cremation jewelry from petalsandkeepsakes.com, you can lift up your spirits.
Remember, it’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. There is no shame in feeling depressed during grieving – it’s a natural part of the process, and there is help available. You are not alone in your journey.
Acceptance
The last stage of grief is acceptance, and it’s the moment that we are hopefully working towards as we go through the other four stages of this process.
Acceptance does not mean that you are perfectly fine with the loss or that you’ve moved past it.
Rather, it signifies your acknowledgment of the permanent reality that your spouse is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality.
Though you might still feel bouts of sadness or anger, these feelings will be less intense and less frequent. Through acceptance, you learn to live again, but the loss will always be a part of you.
Once you’ve reached some form of acceptance, you can more easily take on the day-to-day tasks that might have been more difficult in the immediate wake of your loss.
You can handle what your spouse has left behind and take care of certain loose threads. You can attend better to legal needs, like reaching out to this wrongful death attorney if appropriate.
Acceptance is a plateau of sorts, and while the other stages of grief will likely rear their heads from time to time, this is stable ground that you should be able to return to.
Remember, acceptance is not a linear destination, but a process that happens in its own time. It’s okay to have bad days where acceptance seems a world away. What’s important is to allow yourself to feel, grieve, and heal at your own pace.
Be Patient With Yourself
Patience with oneself is a crucial aspect to bear in mind during the grieving process.
The duration of each stage of grief is highly individual and can vary widely. For some, a particular stage may last only a few weeks, while for others the same stage could stretch over several months or longer.
It’s important not to compare your grief journey to others, as each person’s experience is influenced by unique factors such as their relationship with the deceased, their personal coping skills, the circumstances of the loss, and the support they receive from others.
Each individual experiences grief in their own way and at their own pace. There is no predetermined timeline for grief nor a ‘right’ way to feel.
Some days may be harder than others, and that is okay. It’s important to practice self-compassion and patience, acknowledging the emotions that come with each stage of grief without judgment.
Understand that setbacks are not indicators of regression, but are a normal part of the winding road towards healing. As you navigate this journey, always remember to give yourself the grace and time necessary to heal.
Remember Your Community
When mourning a loved one, it’s easy to feel alone and isolated. The loss of a spouse can feel like a whole world is being stripped away from you.
It’s important to take concrete steps to remind yourself that you are not alone during this process.
Leaning on friends and loved ones during the grief process can be a vital source of comfort, support, and understanding. These individuals can provide a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen with, and a comforting presence in moments of deep sorrow.
Their companionship often helps to validate feelings of grief, enabling you to express their emotions openly and authentically.
Furthermore, they can offer practical support like assistance with day-to-day tasks, which can be particularly helpful during times of intense grief.
But beyond the practical, it is the emotional support that is often most impactful. Embracing the love and support of those closest to you not only helps to alleviate feelings of loneliness but also fosters resilience, making the journey toward acceptance and healing less arduous.
Remember, you don’t have to walk the path of grief alone – reaching out to others can be a crucial step in the healing process.
Grieving a Spouse: Understanding the Five Stages
When we are lost in our grief, we can feel adrift without a roadmap. While everyone’s experience of grieving a spouse will be different, it can be helpful to have a sense of the common experiences in dealing with this kind of loss.
The above information can help you to understand the five stages of grief and what to expect as you deal with your own personal loss.
Have more questions about handling grief, depression, anger, or other difficult emotions? Keep scrolling through our blog for more.
